A bit on the life after- Part 2

Hey there...

So if you remember, the first part of this series- A bit on the life after, we were dealing with not expecting too much from your spouse and not expecting too little either but just being realistic about getting married and beginning a new life together with the one you love until death do you part as you said in your vows, remember?! We thought it would be most helpful to just scratch the tip of the ice-berg of living together, that is the life after you say "I do" because, believe us.. this is THE most important part.. more than the actual wedding itself (believe it or not, but it's true!)

So anyway, in this second part we're talking about communication. The little Oxford Dictionary defines communication as "to impart, transmit (news, feelings, ideas, etc), connection or means of access and the science and practice of transmitting information." So what we need to understand is that communication is much more than talking. Communication involves a sender, the message, the medium in which the message is transmitted through and the recipient of that particular message. In a marriage set-up, we cannot emphasize enough how much communicating is important. To say you've successfully communicated to your spouse, or just generally talking about communication, the recipient of your message must receive it in the manner and context of what you're saying, in other words, they must receive it in the way they're supposed to, what you mean.

If we go back to the Oxford dictionary definition, it also talks about transmitting your feelings and ideas as well. You need to realize that now you'll be living the rest of your life with this person you've chosen and so you really need to communicate and be open with one another otherwise that house will definitely be unbearable to live in. Don't box in your feelings. If you have been disappointed by something that your spouse has done, deal with it there and there. Talk about it, RATIONALLY!! Raising your voice is not communicating, you don't have to shout to be heard because that will only aggravate the one on the receive end of your loud mouth! When you keep your feelings and thoughts to yourself, it will only lead you to being bitter because perhaps the person doesn't even know that they've upset you and you're the one who's just burning up inside with anger!

What we've learnt is that when we talk to one another rationally and discuss issues and our feelings, that issue actually then becomes a stepping stone to another level in our marriage because we've talked about the matter and now we both know where the other person stands, therefore we won't repeat the same error. The other thing we've learnt is that what makes the one person mad or upset is not necessarily the same thing that makes you mad. So therefore if your spouse is upset, DON'T EVER think to yourself or say to them "this small thing's what upset you?" Why? Because you're two different people, brought together solely because of love, just put yourself in their shoes and try to imagine how you would feel if they were to do or say the same to you... obviously you wouldn't be chuffed huh?

So in a nutshell, what we're saying is COMMUNICATE! Don't take anything "big" or "small" for granted. Let all the issues good or bad be ironed out. DON'T EVER go to bed upset with your spouse... communicate, talk it over. And finally, be sensitive to the needs and desires of your spouse- what makes them happy and what makes them mad.

For now, we'll leave you with this to ponder on. Do send us your thoughts and experiences.

To your special day.

Charlene & Aurther